The Government have missed a trick by failing to include in their Armageddon scare stories the one about English football, don’t you think? It is too late now though, as the Government are no longer able to get away with their disgracefully use of taxpayers money to steamroll the remain message, because the long established rules that certainly prevent it in the last month before the vote.
This could be their biggest mistake because football supporters are the most influential group remaining in the UK now that the Unions have been destroyed, aren’t they? Some 15 million supporters attend Premier league matches alone and many more are supporters who watch soccer on television – it is an enormous focus group, eh?
Here below, you can read though now how an announcement ‘might’ have read had the Government woken-up to the prospect!
“The Treasury have produced a damning report, commissioned by the Government, on the disastrous effects on the economy of Britain and football of deciding to leave the European Union on 23rd June. By being in the EU the UK is punching well above its weight with 3 teams (England, Wales, & NI but not Scotland) reaching the Euro 2016 Finals in France this June.
The Government’s ‘prediction’ is that the England team, which will be in the midst of the finals, ‘might’ just have successfully completed the Group stage, and therefore ‘possibly’ would be facing ‘perhaps’ Romania two days later in the knockout phase.
The Government ‘believes’ that it is the overwhelming ‘opinion’ of ‘some’ at the top of football in the UK (though not the Sports minister) and in Europe including the ex-President of UEFA Michel Platini (disgraced), and in the World like ex-President of FIFA Sepp Blatter (disgraced), that the team ‘might’ be utterly demoralised by the news of a Leave win, because for a start, it means that their friends and teammates at their Premiership clubs back in England, ‘might’ be sent packing and ‘could’ go back to their EU roots from where they came – and consequently the England players’ clubs ‘could’ do down the pan and end-up in the lower leagues, so the players’ millions in income will ‘surely’ wither away.
The effect of this on the UK economy would be dramatic, as not only will income tax receipts to the Treasury plummet, but many-many diverse businesses will fail and go bust – like nightclubs, motorcar dealerships, fashion outlets (favoured by players & WAGS), hotel chains, travel agencies, and not least barbers. Millions ‘might’ be put out of work with no chance of reemployment so will go on the dole with a catastrophic impact on our Welfare costs that ‘might’ see a 20% increase which ‘could’ be coupled with a 30% drop of the Country’s GDP.
The England team would doubtless be immediately ostracised and sent to Coventry by the 20 other teams from the EU (that number including 1 bilateral EU member and 3 waiting to join the EU) that make-up the 24 countries who have reached these finals. The bulk of the football supporters in France for these finals (and particularly the French & Germans) will be incensed by the UK’s treachery in leaving a sinking ship early, so will further oppress the England team, whose confidence will crash and so will their next performance on the pitch – they will surely get knocked out of the tournament on the 25th June and be sent home with their tails between their legs.
A similar fate would ‘perhaps’ await Wales and Northern Ireland if they reach the knockouts as well. ‘If’ the UK teams get knocked out then throughout the UK there ‘may well’ be devastating impacts on pub trade, on off-licence sales, and on delivered pizza outlets and the like, which will depress those sectors, as well as loss of revenue for TV advertisers as viewing figures go into freefall.
Also, such an outcome ‘could’ instantly have significant effects on the whole of the British society, because there ‘might’ be massive clinical depression overcoming millions of supporters in all three counties, which ‘could’ lead to untold numbers of suicides, and the NHS ‘might’ be overwhelmed both at GP and Hospital levels – and that ‘possibly’ could lead to half a million extra deaths since patients with other illnesses can’t be diagnosed, treated or admitted to hospital in time, because of the overload. It is better in the Governments view for the UK to play safe and people vote to remain.
Furthermore , ‘if’ there is a corresponding mammoth demoralising effect on the British population it ‘could’ lead to ‘potentially’ widespread work absences causing a dramatic dip in productivity, which ‘would possibly’ be lowered by 3.385% in some cases, and that would adversely impact on the UK’s economic performance, which ‘perceivable’ could drop by as much as 2.74%.
If we leave the EU, all four UK teams will ‘likely’ be ganged-up on and thrown out of European football, so will have to rely on global agreements to get an international game and that won’t be easy. None of the top twenty in World ranking ‘might not’ play against UK teams, and that includes top dogs Argentina as we won’t give them the Falklands, Columbia because we don’t think it is a safe country, Chile as it has a trade agreement with the EU , Brazil as they side with Argentina, Uruguay because we have beaten them twice to end their dream of a third World Cup, Ecuador as they have been harbouring fugitive WikiLeaks’ Julian Assange for 3 years in their London Embassy and they are sick of it, Mexico who have a need to appease the US, Turkey because they want to get in the EU. Russia [rank 29] won’t play us as we retain a nuclear deterrent, and having upset America by leaving the EU the USA [rank 31] team won’t play us anymore either.
The UK’s teams consisting of England [rank 11], Wales [rank 26], N Ireland [rank 25], and Scotland [rank 43] will face isolation in the football world, so will be left with the likes of Ghana [rank 37], Australia [rank 59], Nigeria [rank 61], Canada [rank 93], New Zealand [rank 147], and India [rank 163], – if they can actually cobble together their teams). Even Scotland just ‘might’ refuse to play England because they want independence (AND to then stay in the EU which is a bit of a conundrum, eh?).
The Uk’s demise in UK’s football ‘may well’ mean the removal of the astounding injection of over £5 billion from the TV companies as well as that of sponsors to boot, which ‘could’ well destroy the wonderful game invented by England in favour of cricket. It is ‘projected’ that half the Premiership stadiums ‘could’ have to close and many teams would need to share grounds. It ‘might be’ necessary in the absence of major internationals for Wembley Stadium to be mothballed, which would mean that the London club scheduled to play there next season, will have to revert to their current home without ever having played a home game at Wembley.
In the worst case there ‘might’ be job losses galore across the whole football spectrum and the feeder dependences including transport, catering, memorability, and fans’ football shirts, scarves, rattles badges and all else. There ‘could’ indeed be a cut in the police force as well since crowd control ‘might’ not be required in the future.
There ‘could’ well be riots in the streets because thousands of men, women, and children will be utterly bored on a Saturday afternoon, so ‘might’ then wander the streets both in cities and major towns that used to have a well supported football team, so gangs of rival ex-supporters ‘could’ encounter each other and embark on violent attacks that would ‘possibly’ result in hundreds of deaths and thousands of injuries as well as major damage to properties. The Government urge everyone to vote to remain to avoid any such possibility.
The combined effect of all this ‘could’ be greater than that of leaving the Single Market – that is potentially’ bigger than the enormous sum the treasury has predicted’ previously.
The experts at the Treasury ‘calculate’ that if ‘everything possible’ goes wrong the economy ‘might’ face an immediate 3.6% reduction in GDP, which ‘could’ be ongoing progressive until 2030. The Government having considered all the possibilities believe it is better to stay in the EU.”
[If you think the Football announcement spoof is farfetched then read the actual Government’s pronouncements – and vote Leave (if you are so inclined?)]