Moeraki round boulders

Scientists have sometimes always assumed that element atoms were round – they were wrong! Latest research published today by the renowned Academia Physics Research International London, has scientifically proven that atoms are in fact SQUARE. The results have been verified in Europe by the well known scientific Foundation Of Overseas-scientists Luxembourg.

It was an understandable mistake though by our old term scientists, as many natural things in our world are indeed, like a ball ’round’. We can see by telescope that the planets are certainly round, and many other ‘common’ things are round or nearly spherical, as well. Turtle eggs are round, as are those in frogspawn, eggs of the Ostrich, the Senegal Parrot, and many hole nesting birds like the Bracken Ridge Ranch. Boulders are round (Moeraki boulders in particular) as indeed are grains of sand (especially old particles). No wonder the scientist jumped to the wrong conclusion.

The new revelation that atoms are square (or to be more precise a cube rather than a ball) is going to turn the world of science upside down. Not only will all the old theories have to be revisited, but all the school books, reference books and the like, will have to be pulped. The GCSE & A-level exam papers for this summer’s exams will have to be rewritten, and pupils given emergency retraining. It is going to be costly mayhem.

This new insight will though give scientist some clues as to the way atoms behave in reactions. It has always been assumed that the electrons in the outer shell of an atom sped at a uniform speed in a circle around the nucleus; but they don’t  – because they have to ‘slow down’ for the corners and then speed-up again. This may explain which atoms take part in a chemical reaction, as the electrons in a corner will be susceptible to ‘seizure’ by another close element’s atom with fast moving electrons travelling along the straights. It might also lead to further ways of dealing with atomic waste, if the scientists can determine and then control which atoms are going to decay – so shorten the half-life of such material which is currently a danger for many decades. That could be good news.

[The authors of this astonishing research will present their findings this morning  010415 at the College Of Natural Sciences in an unknown secret location]