Secret conversation – fly on the wall in Number 10?


“I’m going off on holiday – I haven’t been away four times this year yet”.

“Who is going to run the Country then?”

“I’ll do that while I’m away”.

”But you’ll be overseas, so a long distance away, and you won’t have much time surely?”

“Look, running the Country has never been a ‘fulltime’ job for me – I’ve never gone along with that lark of working your socks off at it. It’s not that big a deal operating this place. I’ll probably have mobile coverage on the beach anyway, but if not, just leave me a voicemail and I’ll get back to you in the evening”.

”Can’t you leave your deputy in charge for a little while?”

”Certainly NOT! He will be here of course but he mustn’t do ANYTHING – I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him; given half a chance he would abandon all our best policies like the bedroom tax on the undeserving poor and tax relief for the rich toffs”!

”What about the World crisis’s we are supposed to be dealing with? Like Gaza & Iraq & and have we forgotten Syria?”

”Look, I want some quality ‘chillax’ time with my kids – it isn’t my fault that loads of children are being killed every day in Gaza, and I don’t really recall Syria”.

”Shouldn’t we now have an arms embargo on Israel?”

”Oh no, not yet certainly – I’m already accused of being anti-Islamic because that woman’s gone, and has also done the dirty on me despite the fact that I plucked her out of obscurity, so the last thing I need now is to be labelled anti-Semitic as well”.

”What about Iraq then?”

”Look, it’s not my bag. That was Blair’s screw up”.

”But you wholeheartedly supported it all at the time didn’t you?”

”Perhaps, but we didn’t know it was all going to go wrong did we. Send in the SAS if they are not very busy and fly over some fighter aircraft to make it look good – but absolutely NO military action on my watch. I’m not getting into saving people – that’s the Red Cross & Red Crescent I think. I’ve have had enough on my plate sorting out the financial system after Brown screwed up the whole of the World’s economy”.

”But you all pressed the Labour Government for the Banks to be given more freedom didn’t you?”

”Perhaps, but we didn’t know it was all going to go wrong did we”.

“What about Scotland then? It’s not going to look good if you are holidaying in Portugal while their Independence fight ramps up, you didn’t figure, and also the Glasgow Commonwealth Games closes. It would be a good photo opportunity for you wouldn’t it – publicity in over fifty countries?”

“Perhaps, but do I really need it, I wonder. OK then, I’ll come back for that, but I’ll expect a quid pro quo of another holiday later, so get used to it”.

“What about recalling Parliament then to debate the critical issues?

“Certainly NOT – the guys and girls are on holiday for goodness sake. We have only been in recess a couple of weeks now and they have still got another three weeks relax time to go before another week’s work, then a month’s hard conferencing. Apart from a week off in November they then have to wait for their Christmas holidays”.

There’s been quite o lot of days off then in the session surely?

“Well many have other external money making interests to attend to, so it is not all holiday you know.”

“Anything major issue in the country, Europe, or the World that you want us to keep you informed about then?”

“Yes, one thing only – if that mop haired ‘thing’ makes ANY move to stand against me I want to know IMMEDIATELY, day or night. Don’t let me down on that or you will be sorry. If Obama rings, tell him I’m out.”

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