Scottish National Flag

Robert Burns

The Scots are the rightful slaves of us English, because you are a spineless & gutless lot. At a time of destiny, when around the World people are dying to get free, you as a race are even using faulty scales to weigh the silly question of will you be ‘better off’ – at least you have learnt that basic lesson from us.

We, on this side of the border, have nevertheless magnanimously granted you your own noddy parliament and promised you even further powers to run bits of your life in your own country – so we have responded well to the need to see you off.

You understand, we retained also the two hundred and fifty year old lesson from Culloden (when we used traitorous Scots clansmen to massacre your so called tartan army and end your rebellious streak), so as the new TNS poll shows. our new age Scots mercenaries have now well spiked the ‘YES’ campaign for us, just as we, eternally astutely, planned.

Your affairs will continue of course to be run forever by us English in London, and decided in the leafy lanes of Surrey, so don’t get above yourselves. Don’t worry; if you behave we will still give you your pocket money though.

[An open letter sent to the ‘The Scotsman’ newspaper’s Editor Ian Stewart]